The Messy Middle
“Maybe I’m just an addict.” That thought haunts me occasionally. Not necessarily because it might be true (depending on how you define addiction), but because it’s seductively easy to fall into self-fulfilling prophecy. Reducing my struggles with substance use to a simple trope offers a strange comfort in its simplicity. But reality isn’t neat or black and white. Struggling with sobriety isn’t just about substances. Often it’s wrestling with old identities, patterns, and the shame that clings to them like shadow.
The challenge is resisting the urge to over-label ourselves, and instead sitting in the tension between who we’ve been, who we are now, and who we want to be. This undefined space feels vulnerable, lacking clear boundaries and narratives that others can easily grasp. Yet it’s in this messy middle where authentic healing happens, where we acknowledge our wounds without letting them define our entire story. Our recovery journeys aren’t linear paths with clearly marked beginnings and endings, but continuous evolutions of self-understanding, self-forgiveness, and expansion beyond the limitations we once accepted as fixed truths about ourselves.