Vulnerability vs. Intimacy
The other day while listening to Brené Brown on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast (one of several podcasts in my binge options), I was struck by her distinction between vulnerability and intimacy. Sometimes these words get thrown around interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing really.
Vulnerability is about being willing to show up and be seen, especially when you can’t control the outcome. Intimacy, on the other hand, is what happens when vulnerability is met with empathy and connection. It’s the result, not the action. This distinction matters because vulnerability without reciprocity isn’t intimacy. It’s just exposure. You can be vulnerable with someone who doesn’t deserve it, who won’t hold that vulnerability with care. That’s not intimacy; that’s just bad boundaries.
The magic happens when your vulnerability is met with understanding, when someone says “me too” instead of turning away. That’s when exposure becomes connection, when risk becomes reward. Brown also touched on communication versus connection. How we can talk endlessly without truly connecting. We mistake the exchange of words for the exchange of hearts. Communication is the vehicle; connection is the destination.
Real forgiveness, she noted, requires some kind of death. The death of who you were before the hurt, the death of the story you told yourself about what happened. It’s not about forgetting; it’s about transforming the pain into something that doesn’t define you.